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Closing Doors
It's been a while. I always start a post like this in the same fashion. I'm aware. It's been years, no, thats not strictly true, just the one.
I feel the need to just get things off my mind, to unload some things. A space to call my own, and a need to write.
Recently [now nearly 2 months ago] I broke up with my longest relationship to date. Dan was amazing, and we went strong for 1 year and 9 months. It may not sound a lot to most people, but in gay terms that means that we were married and waiting for the kids to come along.
We lived together for nearly a year as well, which really does put our relationship into perspective. Wow. Thinking about it now makes me feel very bizarre. But yes, it was right for us, we work well together. Now there is nothing. Thats of course not true at all, there are memories, lots of love, and of course, a friend. Which perhaps is worth more. Friends can be better than lovers. Sometimes
Dan and I still live together, this is interesting to say the least. It's a mixture between comfort and hell. Haha. We get on very well as friends, and therefore we get on well as housemates too. But its difficult with the fact that we were once something more, which means everything can be taken further than the average flat mate. If we disagree on something, it can lead to an argument. Why? Because its what we would have done in our relationship.
However, I'm learning to close down a lot of the doors that we were once open to us. But one thing is clear, the love and friendship that I have in him will always be there. I'm sitting here and inside I'm smiling knowing that this is the case.
For his birthday just gone, I wrote in his card a thoughtful message. It basically said that I knew we had gone through some crap recently, but I was greatful to now be having a friend who I care about dearly.
Everyday that comes there are new challenges we face, with or without knowing them, but thats all part of life.
I'll survive. I'll move on. I'll live once more. And I'll love again.
Thanks for listening, my love.
<3
1 comment
Anyway, I've had my fair share of break-ups, but I couldn't even begin to imagine what it would be like to break up with someone and then continue to live with them. That sounds like an incredibly emotional situation. But at the same time, if you two are still willing to remain friends, maybe it's not that bad (though I'm sure it still hurts from time to time). I'm sure it will become easier to deal with as time goes on. I'm hoping for the best!
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