Bobakey[dot]net

I'm drowning in self pity. That's why I'm listening to this song. That's why I'm fed up. That is what happens when you live alone. No wait... did I just say that I live alone? I meant, that is what happens when you live your ex who has a new boyfriend.

Maybe I'm bitter and twisted. Maybe I'm jealous.

I'm over Dan, completely over him. But some things still ring true, and sometimes, just for a moment I miss things that were once part of US.

The reason why I spend every night alone is because Dan is always at his new boyfriends flat. It doesn't bother me. Then why am I even writing this?

It DOES bother me. I've come to think recently, that how can I, the one who was so sure of what I wanted... so sure that I could move on and just get with other people can't seem to find anyone to share my bed with, if only for cuddles. Yet he, the boy who proclaimed he wouldn't even think about another person if it killed him because he was too HEARTBROKEN - how can he drop everything we ever had for another person? And so soon. It's been on going for over a month now... which means that that they got together around 2 and a half months after Dan and I broke up.

Wow.

Nearly 4 months later, and look where I am...

Spending another night in this bloody flat ALONE. In 13 days Dan has slept here a grand total of once. Yes 1/13. I spend every night alone in this flat...

I'm going through such a busy time at the moment in college with it being my third and final year that I can't really see people, or even invite people around as I'm TOO BUSY. But that doesn't make it any easy on me... it doesn't make it easy at all.

My flat is so lonely. And I'm slowly eating myself to being fat. Anything to make me feel better.

13 Nights and he has stayed here just the once... I'm not trying to kick up a fuss. I'm just angry. I'm so angry...

I WANT SOMEONE TO HUG ME AT NIGHT.
I WANT SOMEONE TO BE THERE FOR ME.
I WANT SOMEONE TO HOLD AND TO LOVE.

... I miss being close to someone.

It's odd, but these emotions and feelings rise just like the tides do. Every so often, they come and go. But it annoys me... how can I get so wound up about it all? But I DO.

*sighs*

I needed a place to just vent. To rant. To just cry over.

Then when he is in the flat I don't want him here, I want this to be my place... and yes... I'm such a fool. I realise this.

I can't be happy for him, when really I should be able to be happy for him because we are FRIENDS.

We are FRIENDS who were once LOVERS who are now FLATMATES.

Complicated yes?

I just wish that things were moving more FORWARD for me... I just feel slightly stuck at the moment, but nevermind. It's more because I keep finding myself liking the ones who really I shouldn't like, or just won't work.

They are either crazy.
They are either too busy.
They are either also in love with their ex.

*shrugs*

I'll survive. I feel better to just write this down quickly without giving it too much care or thought. Perhaps it has come out rather scrabbled - perhaps not.

Thanks,

With love my dear friend,
<3