Bobakey[dot]net

I haven't blogged in ages, purely my fault! It didn't really help with me not being able to go on the net because of I had used up my limit on my amount of hours on the internet, so my mum changed packages which means I can go on the net at any time, but I know have 30 hours more! 150 hours per a month I can be on the net for!


Right now I went from being really happy, to being kind of upset, no suprise there then. I went to Stevenage today and I saw Matt sitting on a bench and went over to him and spent near 20 minutes talking to him just about life and stuff. He kept on making me smile.. and by the time he has gone away, I was missing him... again.


I am so pathetic aren't I? I should just be able to move on and everything would all be happy once again, yet still my heart still moves when I see him...but why? I wish the answer came to me because it's bothering me right now... or rather it bother me too often. Matt made me feel so guilty today, he has started to smoke again and he said the reason why was because of me, that "You broke up with me and I had nothing else to do, the only reason why I stopped was because you didn't like it".


So that has been playing on my mind today, but that wasn't the proper reason why I am feeling a bit down. Its my dad, perhaps I am taking this way beyond what I really should, but it hurts me. My dad, perhaps on purpose, perhaps not, mentioned the other day about how "Jake, never get married" and the other day it was about women, and how attractive someone looked... I wouldn't know dad, how can I know... I AM GAY. Ok... so perhaps that is a bad way to look about it, but it hurts me to think that perhaps my dad has accepted who I am... He thinks its the end of the family name, thinks that I should put my rebellion into something else.


Well dad, let me tell you something, I am going to live MY life the way that I want to, and I don't care what you think of me, because I am who I am, and in the end you are going to be the one who has to deal with that issue. For way to many years I have lived a double life, a fake and real life, well this is the end, ok? I am going to live my life how I choose to... and that is as being me.


My mum asked me when they got home today, if everything was ok because I looked slightly down, I told her the truth, that dad had upset me, perhaps he didn't know it, and current she is in a really bad mood because of me...


WHY CAN'T I BE WHO I WANT TO BE?


So that is what is up with me right now, I will post a happier note some other time.


x

Just to let you all know that I won't be posting any stuff until Thursday because I have reached my 120 hours on the net in a month limit... EVIL BT! So I will be back on thursday when I get my times reset! I am on Toby's computer at the moment...hehe


Luvs

xx

Hmmm, I feel slightly tired, excited and full with pollen all at the same time! I have just finished watching The Shipping News with my mum and dad... we had family time together! I had a good day today, and it has rubbed off onto me now!


Last night after work I felt as if I had done something wrong with my family. I got home and sat on the sofa and only got a "Hey Jake" from my mum, and then a "Bye Jake" from her again half an hour later as my dad said he was going to bed to my mum. It was as if I was invisible! I do live here to you know! I felt the same kind of feeling this morning, as if I had done something wrong... have I?


Oh yeah before I forget... Afroby-mc-doby came around my house on Friday after school... he couldn't be bothered to walk home and he wanted a drink so he came back to mine. We sat chatting like the old times! I guess this is the point where I say: "Those were the days..." in my old man kind of voice! I use to always talk to Toby, then we drifted apart and now... Toby has joined my science class, that is another class that we are in together! *Evil laugh!*


Anyway... today I went poodling across to Stevenage and met: (in order of appearance)
Kate

Jake (Big Jake)
Troll

Jared
Gemma

Luara
Kirsty

Stacy
Aby

Gemma
Kate's Mum

Kate's Brother
Kate's Brother's fit friend


What a day I had... so busy! I met most of them at a Party I went along to ages ago! I sent off my application for County Youth Choir... hmmm... not sure how I feel about that, but soon I will find out my audition times blar blar...


Troll, who is bi, who seems to adore me and give me loads of hugs when I see him invited me out tommorrow. He said that there was some bands playing and that if I wanted I could go with him. He asked me when no one was around... and he does say he loves me... but to be honest I don't really want to get involved. I mean yes I like him, but perhaps not in that way. He is a friend. *sighs* I am still waiting for that boy to walk into my life. Do you mind speeding it up a bit?


So I spent most of the day doing what we do... having fun or whatever... and I finished the layout for Emma. I also talking for about an hour over dinner with my parents about college and it made me go on the net and look at, Hill's Road Sixth Form College in Cambridge, and after reading through all the stuff, I really like the sound of it.. and so do my parents, and it is the best so far we have seen! YAY! Also Craig is going there, and wants me to go... which did push me to look into a bit!


Right my eyelids are on the verge of closing!

x

First of I would just like to say thank you to the peeps who commented but a big plug to:

Ravana!
Ravana!

Ravana!
Ravana!

Ravana!



As I was going to say... I had school today (surprised... not!) and Emma was really upset, or at least it appeared that way. She wasn't really talking, but I guess I didn't make much of an effect to make you talk.


Remember I luv you!


What to say... hope a smile reappears on your face soon Emma.. and on with this post. My sister has to do her 10 hour art exam over the next two days, hopefully I will be able to sneak in and see how she is doing. She brought such a nice flower today to paint from... aww.. although its made my nose all full up... curse her lol.


I made a new layout for Emma but just need to sort some stuff out for her first before it goes up.. if she likes it :D


I have big news... I am not on MSN for once! YAY... I am actaully just surfing around sites, which is really weird for me... because I never ever do that. I am always chatting to someone. I am also writing in orgasmic my lovely new diary. So much to write yet so little time to do so.


Also I am still in my school uniform... no idea why though. Its the first time where I have kept it on all night... even my tie! hehe... I got home from school today and crashed on the sofa and woke up about an hour or 2 later.. whats wrong with me? And don't even say not enough sleep because I already know that. I fancy taking some pills tonight... sleeping pills


Well bye bye for now's.



xxx

I feel so empty, as if I have said everything that I could possibly want to. I guess me writing the whole of that and then promptly sending it to all my friends just made my little voice heard in a big crowd!


School was ok for once, I had pe.. and I did it! YAY. Although another boy was asking me constantly in my English class if I would 'bunk' off with him because he didn't want to do it! I was like.. "No... I want to go" He kept on saying about how much he knew I hated it and that we should just not go, but I managed to get him to go and play sports... thats odd. Me getting someone to join in sports? What the chuck!?


The rest of the day came and went, although at lunch I had to phone up my work Expience person to arrange an appointment with her. She was so friendly on the phone... she was one of the nicest person I have ever spoken to on the phone, so as you can imagine I am really looking forward to Thursday when I get to meet her. I get the morning off school to see her, and I also got some informatuon about the job, I am not allowed to wear Jeans or Trainers... thats like my whole wardrobe that I can't wear.. oh dear!


So the rest of the day was the same, although I did have a really good laugh in Drama. I can't help but to think where I would be if I hadn't changed drama classes, I wouldn't be alive I think. That may sound drastic but anyone who loves drama and thats all they want to do attempts to do what they love and have a class full of trouble makers... it breaks your heart.


I went to Toby's after school, it wasn't planned, I had to go to Tesco and I next found myself at Toby's. He couldn't hear my bang on the door so I let myself in and found Toby upstairs... *giggles* we chatted for about an hour? Not sure? Anyway its been really nice talking to him, and I am talking to him now... hehe... I can't get enough of him :P


Me off to make Emma a new layout! Go me...!
Luvs to me and you,

Be happy, be gay!


xxx
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