Bobakey[dot]net

I have good reasons for not being around of late... in fact I find it quite strange that I didn't even mention why I wouldn't be around the past week - oops. But that doens't mean I''ve left for good [sometimes I wish I had... but thats another story]


So alot has happened, quite a comparison to the last post where I seemed to be taking the role of a fully fledged student life. Waking up late, eating hardly nothing, and then staying up late, and thus becoming a student..


Backtracking a week [*grumbles cruel words at the phone for ringing 3 times in the last 15 minutes... anyways*] yesh a week... last Saturday I got up in the early hours of around 6AM on a Saturday thats not right :P! I was to travel down to see Tom for 6 days *yippie* [Tom for those of you who fail to come here often is my uberly sexy boyfriend who lives 157 miles away]


I didn''t sleep much at all. The excitement running through my body was like being plugged into the electric, lots of tossing and turning before finally falling asleep, only to be woken up within half an hour of the alarm *sighs* typical :'(


I would have to get a train from where I live, to London Kings Cross [roughly 40/45 minutes] then get a tube to Paddington [around 10 minutes] then get on a train at Paddinging to and travel down to Exeter where uberly sexy boyfriend lives *sighs* [Estimated 2 hour journey --roughly] oh and lets not forget the off waiting around for train times, so in all it took around 3 and a half to 4 hours. The things we do for love [and yesh, I did just say love - I can feel and say it now!]


The train/tube ride[s] where quite ok, oh and no trouble on the tube AT ALL. Lots and Lots of police around, I was quite supprised actually, but yesh that is a good thing after what happened. I was scared I''m not going to deny it. But I didn''t let the fear take over me. I''m not like that.


So a while ago Tom said that he loved me, while we were on the train early in the morning, over the phone, when I was travelling to college. We had agreed to wait until we had been going out a while before saying the big "L" Word as we crowned it... and he caught me off guard. I ddin''t know what to reply with, and I didn''t at all want to tell him over the phone [not that he knows that, he thought I wasn''t ready to say it].. so I wanted to tell him that I loved him in a special way, so this is how:


I had prepared some 'signs' to show to Tom when I arrived at the station .. they read:
--

STOP!
There's something I need to say

I didn't just travel 157 miles because your my boyfriend
I don't call you for hours just because your my boyfriend

I do this because I think I "L" You..
But really..

I think I think I LOVE YOU
Love Me Too?

--


*giggles madly* it worked so well.. I had these signs and I dropped by bags before him and showed him.. a number of people actually stopped and watched, had a bit of an audience... and then afterwards I could see people smiling, I felt so accepted at that moment, but that wasn''t the idea..


Tom just said he loved me and kissed me, right there and then. It was purely magical.


So I spent the next 6 days with Tom, and seen as he has dial-up I wasn''t even prepared to try and wait to update, so sorry peeps for the delay! Anywhos, I''m all loved up. Too loved up.


Here is the run down of my week:


Saturday, spent at Toms house and then Tom showing me where he worked etc, so that I at least kind of knew where I was going to meet him when he was at work


Sunday, I remember now [had a mind blank for a few minutes!] We stayed in bed for the best part of the day and only ermerged after some time *whistles...* yesh, anywho.. We then took a really nice walk as it was uberly sunny!


Monday, Tom had to go to work as he was starting a new job [Yesh! no longer money issues!] so I was to meet his best friend Jamie. Well that was an experience, as Jamie is quite loud, big character, but I think all it took was just a little bit of time to get really use to him, and he wasn''t that bad actually in the end. A real person for once!


Jamie took me on a tour of Exeter showing me the sights and what have you before meeting with Tom for lunch and then again more shopping/site seeing with Jamie who was a great host, even if I was a bit shy at first - what do you say to a complete stranger?!


Tuesday, Went again out with Jamie and met another one of Tom''s friends Amy, aw she was sooo pweetty! I can tell she would be so photogenic, considering next time I'm down trying to snap a few photos of her haha.. We went down to the quay [sp?] and sat by the water front and had a lovely time, and even took Bandit the dog for a run, aw me likes that dog!


In the evening Tom, Jamie, Amy and myself, went to a Pool Place and played some Pool. I managed to pot the black right near the start *damn*! We then went on to this gay pub called The Vault, it was like a underground pub and it had a great vibe and I really liked it down there [not to mention that I got quite a lot of looks... in a good way obviously "Who''s that sexy new freash meat on the scene!"]


After getting a lil bit tispy and quite happy to dance [and also trying out some flaming drink thing... WIERD!] we headed off to Time Piece which is this club.


Hmph. I''m not one for clubs, at all. I get scared, I will be honest, because I''m underage and don''t own any ID, not even fake. But as I keep on getting told by people "You look alot older than 18 anyways!" But when we got there, it wasn''t even open, and if you arrive before 11 you get in free... so we had a drink downstairs and then it opened and we raced in, haha, we had the bouncer running behind us as he didn''t realise it was open yet :P


So again Jakey-bobakey-boy missed out on getting ID''ed... haha. - Had a really good night, me and Tom left at 12:30 as we were both getting tired.


Wednesday, Hmm can''t remember what I did during the day, ah second thoughts I do. Yesh - wednesday wasn''t a good day. I couldn''t find Tom''s keys to his flat so I was late to getting to Jamie, then Jamie wanted to shave his hair which meant that I was late to see Tom for lunch, Tom get annoyed and it went downhill from there.


Jamie and myself went down by this area of the river called The Salmon pond, which is like a waterfall thing, and met with Rob, Kate and Jenny, all of whom I had never met before, so it was a bit iffy at first, but I had fun all the same.


Tom met us after work and then we walked back to his house, and *sighs* we kind of fell out. But lets not talk about that as its all sorted now and thats the main thing.


In the evening we went and saw Fantastic Four, and had chinese to finish with... aw twas dreamy!


Thursday/Yesterday, Tom finished work early and we met Jamie outside the Cathedral and then was met with Emma and Adam, who are newly engaged and we all went out for a pub lunch, and it was loved. I actually really got along well with them, and had a good laugh.


Afterwards me and Tom went back home and got a blanket and went and sat in a park bathing in the sunlight [damn the clouds that kept on coming over and making it freeezying :S] Then we went back to Toms and fell asleep before having to set off for the train station..


*sighs*


I hate this part.
It's the worse part I have to deal with.

I love him, I do.
But I leave him.


We got the train station with about half an hour to spare, so Tom got a young persons railcard so he can get cheap tickets when he comes and see''s me. hehe, and then we just sat waiting for the train.


I hated the waiting. It seemed eternal...and the longer that time trickled away through our fingers the more my eyes became glazed over with tears. I hate crying, especially in front of Tom. Damn, I''m getting all watery-like eyes now just thinking about it.


I said goodbye to Tom at the station and found my seat on the train, he stood at the window and we did "signs" through the window saying that "I Love You" and then once the train started he tried to keep up with it.. my eyes were so red and puffy, that I just sat there in my seat, letting the tears roll down my face. Half an hour I sat crying...


I miss him, I miss him too much. My bed is so lonely, and my heart feels empty.


I was so tempted to get off at the next station and get the next train back to Exeter. I want to be with him all the time. I loved living with him, I loved snuggling up to him in bed, feeling his warm body next to mine.


This is Love. I know it.


I travelled 157 miles just for you Tom.


Goodbye for now,

luvs

xXx

[EDIT]I'm getting really annoyed by people from America adding me thinking that I am Jake ---- from their school.. I don't live in America, I'm not 14 years old, and I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE. Ah.. had to get that out of my system.. [/EDIT]


The past fewdays have been pretty uneventful, but surely thats whats the whole idea of being in the middle of summer holidays is all about. Doing nothing and regretting the fact that really you should have done So much!


I'm a student and I shall partisipate in Student activities which include, being lazy, lacking in nutrious food, and generally wishing the days away before the start of next college year. Yup. Thats what it feels like so far.


Well surely because I've been on holiday I'm now meant to come back home and actually do nothing because I need to recover from the holiday... so stressful.. all that sun, all those drinks, all that lovely metropolition life style that Barcelona has to offer *sighs* Why am I in England again?!


Today I had a meeting about Pink Picnic, which meant that I actually had to get off my bum and geeet amoving. Up at 9:25 and out the door at 11:40 haha, yesh it really did take me that long just to get out of bed... well I had a shower, and then found that my bed awaited me for another hour hehe.


I'm not sure if I have spoken about Pink Picnic before but here is the description of the flyers for you:

Pinky 2005 - The ONLY open-air gay event in the East of England celebrating Freedom and Fighting for Equality.


One Venue, two live music stages, TEN THOUSAND people... and it''s FREE!!


Dance music tent - Vibe FM Dj's - Pink Games Areana - Young Pink and Talented Area - Pink Idols Grand Final - Food and Bar Areas - Champagne Marquee - Childrens Area


Get all the latest online at


www.pinkpicnic.co.uk</blockquote>


I got involved through the LGBT society which I am kind setting up at my college, basically because I am a young, gay person studying in Cambridge I got asked if I would help out with Pink Picnic.. on the youth side of things. So I've been doing bits and pieces and its suddenly nearly upon us.


Today I got around 150 leaflets to give out... not sure how or when I''m going to be able to give those out but I think I will have to find time! It should be a good day.. so if anyone is around the Cambridge area and fancy seeing a great event and for a good cause... drop on by. So in other news, me and father went to go see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, directed by Tim Burton tonight. One thing I hate about going to see a film at the cinema is that whole having to choose a seat.. its like you have to be clever about it...


You want the center ones so you get the film center on [along with sound coming straight at you]


You also want the seats that are kind of in the middle as in height.. just so you're not cranning your neck to see the film.


But you want seats that are also away from annoying children, and other people in general.


So do you think that we found the perfect seats? Oh yesh we did! And then it was spoilt by annoying girls about the age of 10 who decided to talk through the best part of the movie. But I didn't "Shhh" them, instead I concentrated double time to watch the movie.


And I have to say it was really enjoyable - so it was slightly aimed at kids, that could possibly be why there were so many children lurking around... BUT Jonny Depp did VERY well... a number of times I laughed, hard.


Overal it twas a fantastic film!


Then I got home to find mother in a really off mood, for some unknown reason. So after much pressing and asking if she "was alright"... I decided to leave her in my dads hands... About 15 minutes later, she comes back as happy as a lark.


Strange times!


Well thats all for now,
xXx


PS..


Thanks to:



Milly | Zach | Alex | Fredito | Nienke | and takeaguess

I think its the first time that I can actually say this about my family. I think I am finally being accepted as being Gay.


I knew that things were changing, and that perhaps time had passed where they would accept it fully but everything relating to Tom at the moment is amazing. He gets brought up alot, even by my dad and thats something! It's like he is part of the family.. even though no one has met him yet.


Anywho's, this was all sparked off by something which happened today. I returned back from a photography trip in London [very good I must say] I joined my mum and dad [and the dog?!] at the pub so that they could drive me home. My dad randomly comes out with some news "Spain I think is now allowing gay marriages." My dad NEVER brings up gay issues.


Then...mother kicks in saying that Holland allows gay marriages, and considering that I''m off to Holland on Saturday with the college she thinks that "We will get a call from Jake saying that he has gotten himself Wed!" My father admits that, "I wouldn''t mind that!", Mother: "Well you do realise it won''t be a women" D: "I know that! If Jake gets married to a man without telling us then we won''t have to pay for anything! No presents or reception to pay for!"


It's things like this that I can easily get use to, this whole being OPEN about my SEXUALITY. It''s such a good feeling! So yesh as I just said I''m off to Holland to sing and sing, and sing to the nation! Oh. The. Joys. i will make it fun! Uno Anyone?! Don't expect any blogging for a week then.. sowwie!


I've started my LGBT society at college which is brilliant. Everything is falling into place. From getting a new email account, notice board, meetings, a stall at the freashers fair, AND a blood donation campaign! Wow get me aye?!


The most IRONIC thing happened today ---> I got a letter from blood.co.uk saying that I can now give blood because I''m 17 [back in April?!] AND a package with posters campaigning against Gay Men not allowing to give blood. How Ironic!


So everything is moving, and I should be doing other things, like packing! Eek!


Until next week, be happy, fight Homophobia


- and live life to its full!


Luvs

xXx

I'm feeling kind of low at the moment. Perhaps I''m tired. Perhaps I'm not. Everyone is talking about it... the damn weather. England is known for its weather - bad weather, and the constant complaining of us citizens about the rain. So when we get a heat wave, surely its a good thing? Nope, we still complain... perhaps even more.


So why am I tired? *sighs* Firstly, my damn skin. I hate it. I love my body... its perfect for me. Yesh I''m slightly hairy, and without any form of a 6 pack but thats just me... and I like that. But I can''t stand my skin. My Exzcema of all things. It brings me on such a low like right now.


It's itchy. It's red. It's painful. It's annoying.


It doesn't just effect my mood, but I also suffer from lack of confidence because of it sometimes. It's that whole feeling that people are looking at it. And when people mistake it for sun burn that just makes it worse - I think. "Wow jake you look really red" - "thats my exzcema - thanks.."


I haven't really spoken/seen kate in a while. I miss her. I'm a sucker for her long rants...


I think I also miss all my old school friends, I want to see them, perhaps I will organise something for when I get back from Holland. I want to do this. Ohhh BBQ around mine sounds quite nice actually *note to self: ACTUALLY ARRANGE IT*


I'm missing Tom as well... it kind of feels like that I'm not actually in a relationship at all. I've only met him once.. well it was 3 days of 24/7-ness. But its not the same. I want to feel loved, well I know he cares for me beyond this world. But I want to touch that love. Yesh Long Distance can work, but there are side effects haha.


Common side effects:


A desire for someone far away
Sexually frustrated

Feeling empty inside
Looking at other people and knowing you can't even try

The countdown of next viewing time
The constant looking at phone.

And many more...


17 Days tomorrow until I get to see Tom.. now perhaps you can understand why I'm missing him. Or just want him. He is coming up and meeting the family.. I even told father, who took it so well that he is actually interested and wants to learn about his son's new boyfriend.


Tom is even staying at our house when he comes up *shock shock*


WHY are my parents being so good about all this?! Why Tom? Why choose to be the perfect parents now..Something I will never find out I guess.


I'm tired its a fact. I've spoken about some worries and have lots more to say but I think bed is in order.


Goodnight whoever you are,


luvs

xXx

[Edit: Total length: 6 and a bit of A4 Pages - 4461 Words - It's LONG /EDIT]


I'm not sure where I should start this, so I'm just going to go
full throttle into everything, and anything and hope

that it turns out the way that I want it to.


So again, its been a while, and lots, lots and lots has
happened. Perhaps too much.


[I know you miss him Kate, I know you do. And I do know what it is

like, what it feels like. *sighs* Time with heal the wounds. And I
know this because it does. I'm sorry I missed the funeral, but I was

thinking about you so much before I went. So much. I love you. Now,
forever, and beyond. I miss him too Kate. What I missed the most

though, was not being able to just be there for you. And I know we
have talked about it, but still. I'm sorry.]


Well hmm, I went to Edinburgh so here is the report:


Edinburgh and Beyond


I stayed around Justine's house on the Wednesday night, seen as we

would be leaving at around 4ish in the morning and where I live is
'apparently' too much trouble to get too *sulks* - so I stayed

around Justine's *woo* I helped cook dinner, did some washing up and
was the perfect guest. First impressions are always good

impressions. [Not sure who said that but Yesh!] We stayed up pretty
late just talking about things that we never really talk about at

college [just being in the year above and is leaving, I became good
friends with her through another friend Craig... and it goes from

there] - Justine's dad came down stairs and told her to "shut up" [in
many a different word than that] and we had to go to asleep hmm...

Still not sure if I like him. Perhaps too intelligent or scary for my
liking hehe.


Picked Richardo up at around 5am, and headed off to the airport. Hehe.

I had be warned before that this was going to be an interesting trip,
two 17 year olds and an 18 year old, flying by themselves. Surely that

spells out trouble. [Even though I don't even think mother was worried
about me?!] Anyways. Had a mini panic when we couldn't see our

flight on the board, and actually realised that we were too
early for it to even be displayed yet! *sighs* What are we like aye?


So 40 minutes on a plane and we were in Edinburgh. Wow. What a

feeling. This is my third visit to Edinburgh and I just love
it. I'm not sure what it is about it... its just so full of

life - that is so unique and things to Edinburgh.


We were just a little bit unorgainsed - in the sense we had no
idea where we had to go once we were in Edinburgh [after a 30 minute

bus ride to the city]. So looking at maps that we had printed off, we
just pressumed that we would go to where the Conference was being held

and see if anyone was there. *looks around* Nope. Completely dead.
Luckily a security guard saw us and helped us out. After a few phone

calls, we realised that we had to go to accomindation *rolls eyes*


So with my great navigation skills we set off again [I would like to
point out that I make a good map reader!] After about half an

hour we found it *yay* - The view was amazing. And when I mean amazing
I mean AMAZINGni accomindation has a MASSIVE

hill/cliff/park thing, and it was just beautiful. I think we could all
tell that we were going to like it there [I wonder why?!]


Ok let me tell you a few things. I was SCARED beyond belief

about going on this Conference. I mean I was all up for the idea of
learning and fighting for what I believed in. I love being Gay, its

who I am. But going somewhere with over 200 people all the same as you
[alright I've been clubbing but its different when your not clubbing

and sitting in a room with people] I wanted to make friends. I wanted
to find someone that I clicked with [oh boy did I find that person...

hehe] - I just wanted to be accepted.


I'm a generally shy person.


Would you believe it?


For those that know me, I'm far from a shy person. I'm out of this
world, happy, and alive - well most of the time at least. So yesh -

secret is out - I'm a shy boy at heart. Although I didn't
really let on my fears to Justine or Richard.


Found out that we couldn't actually get out rooms until 2pm. This was

at 11am. *sighs* Now what? Luckily the uni reception, were so nice and
took our bags into the little storage room they had. We trecked back

into town had went to Pizza Hut *yippie* Cute waiter *drools* - There
is something about a cute, hot, scottish boy, with a cute, hot

scottish accent *melts*


Lets fast track a bit..


Basically due to an 'error' at college, we had to fly up a day before
the conference started, and fly back a day after it finished. Why were

we complaining?! All paid for... sounds like fun if you ask me!


Got our rooms, me and Richard were next to each other, but Justine was
in another block *grr* - The rooms were amazing [I may even upload

some photos later?! - Maybe not hehe] I had an amazing few, a
sink, bed, cupboards, shelfs, [which I hit my head on twice!]

and it was generally NICE!


That was Thursday.


Friday - Conference starts *EEEEK*


*stretches and clicks neck* [Surely thats not right is it?! - I'm like
a f-ing clicky boy!]


Had to be at Conference at 1 to register and sign in and everything.

My nerves were going WILD - I was worried because of meeting
people [all those gay people, heeelp] I wasn't 18, I was dreading the

nights out, I wouldn't make friends, I would be stuck on my own. I'm
fat. I'm a loser. Erm... yesh that all went through my head.


Got to Conference, saw the mass of people signing in, and I felt even

worse. [Are people looking at me?] Signed in. Had an hour and some
more before I was going to go to the First Delegate meeting that was

being held for new Delegates such as *me*. I was dreading that...
Dreading it. Having to go on my own, even if Justine had offered to

come with me.


Got some lunch and returned and was randomly sitting down in the
conference when some random people started talking to us. This is

where I met Ian, and Charina [sp?] - who I made really good friends
with *yay* - Awww Ian was so cute. He was short, beautiful, had an

amazing accent, and was generally a loooovely person. [No I
didn't fancy him!] So I felt alot better, people were

amazed that I was only 17, [apparently I look alot older?]


Met another guy called Richard, hmph. Didn't take to him very well. He
was so patronising. As if he was right all the time. *remembers* "Your

only 17? - Your such a baby... It seems like ages since I was 17, wow
your so young. I can't beleive how old you are, you look older than

me, but your not. Wow" Hmph. Not impressed. I'm not a child.
Grrr.


Moving on..


I felt alot better with meeting people, and stuck with Ian and C. when

I went to the first time delegates meeting - Wow. I felt as if I
actually had friends, wasn't fat, had cool hair, and believed that I

was really going to enjoy this Conference.


Part of the Conference was to sign up to workshops [for bonding and
learning about your rights - and things.. yesh] So I went along to an

Education workshop with Justine and Richard. Right This would
be the part where I have to start wording what I say very carefully -

don't want to go wild and jump into the next 3 days all at once...
*calm* - I went along to the group workshops.


We had to seperate into groups, but it was unclear what groups were

with who. So I just joined along with a number of different people. It
seemed like a niffty little group. Ian was in my group, along with

Justine. We had to discuss what we thought something about gay blah
blah... hehe. There was this one guy in the group. Tom. He

seemed to control the group, and write everything down, and was just
the general leader, and it seemed that way. Everyone accepted it a

bit. I personally kept on thinking about how he kept on going on and
on about his own uni and things without letting anyone else talk.


This was the first time I met Tom. Perhaps not a good first time impression?


Rest of the day I forget what happened ---> The night time. This is

where it gets interesting.


We were going to the Union bar, to have drinks and then the whole
Conference were going to head off to a gay club called Ego. *dreams*

We got a taxi to the Union, and we had one spare seat, so Tom [from
the workshop hehe] decided to join us. We got chatting and he was nice

enough to even pay for the taxi - aw thanks Tom. I said I would buy
him a drink in return.


Got to the bar and I brought Tom a drink, and we went to go find a

table to sit down at. *Key Moment* I had the option of sitting in two
seats, and I choose the one next to Tom. We were getting on well, but

I didn't think anything of it. Why should I? We generally
talked to other people, and between us, nothing out of the norm. I did

think at one point "I wonder if he think's that I'M
flirting..." But I wasn't.. I swear!


At 11, we all started to head off down to the club, Tom by my side, we

talked about many different things, about college, life, friends,
hobbies. I asked if he drives, which he didn't, he asked the same. I

said that I could but I didn't want to start learning yet. "How old
are you?" *sighs* I was kind of dreading this question. "17"... He

looked away, in that 'oh.. 17' kind of way. [Why is 17 such an
annoying age to be at?! GRR]


I thought that was that. But what I was thinking was going to happen

anyways? It's confusing. I didn't know. So go with the flow I
thought.. and I did.


We talked for about 20 minutes as we walked to the club, as we went to

go in, he got ID'ed. I took my chance, and see as I was so worried
about having to get ID'ed I nipped around Tom and walked straight in

*yesh* I thought. Now tom is 22, nearly 23, so he found it highly
amusing that I didn't get ID'ed but he did. So there was much talk

about that. We paid and Tom wanted to put his jumper into the cloak
room, so I hung about waiting for him. I was weird. I was in a gay

club in Edinburgh, with people I've only known for like 8 hours... a
weird experience to say the least.


I got a drink at the bar, and so did Tom. After waiting for Justine

and C. We decided we wanted to Dance. By this point I was on like my
fourth drink. So I was a little bit tipsy. Not much, just so much that

I could enjoy myself. We started to Dance. Up on this higher raised
bit that everyone was dancing - it was good. It was fun. Bodies moving

with the beat of the music. I danced randomly, copying other people.
Wow. Hold the press. Tom could dance Wow. look at those legs,

look at that body. Whoa. Why am I thinking this? hehe.


*Key Moment #2*


Many a song later. I was dancing kind of by myself, John, a guy at the
conference, a general slut of a man. He started to dance with

me come onto me, through dancing... It was fun I would
admit, a guy swaying his hips with mine, but I didn't want this, to be

honest. Then out of no where Tom cut in between us, turned and looped
his arms around me and started to dance with me. Hehe Sowwie John. I

said thank you to Tom he said I looked like I needed resucing. He was
cute.


*Key Moment #3*


I needed to breathe, just relax, so I thanked Tom again and scooted

off to one side. John started to dance with Tom. I thought nothing of
it, they shook hands and introduced each other *Hmm* I thought nothing

of it. I THOUGHT NOTHING OF IT... he it only kinda
bothered me. They started to dance *sulks* Then Tom suddenly looked at

me, perhaps he knew that I had been watching, perhaps I don't know. He
looked like he wanted for me to come over, did he? Erm... yesh that

was a nod of the head and a mouthing of "help me.." I'm sure I saw
it.. Did I?


*slow motion* I walked across the dance floor, top the step up to the

raised level, started to dance, slowly, turned around and wrapped my
arms around Tom, he turns looks at me, and smiles. *end slow motion*

"You looked like you wanted some help" *giggles* I'm such a
flirt "Do you want to go and get a drink?" "sure thing" And off

we trotted to the bar.


We got some drinks and found the corner where all this stated and just
randomly started to talk. About hobbies, about what we were interested

in. Of course it was hard to hear in the club so I had to lean in
close to Tom. He had to lean in close to hear me. We both were

close to each other. During out random conversation Toms hand
slipped down to my bum.


Time Out.


Was something happening between us? Was something happening

between US?!


Relaying time again..


C. came over and started to talk to us, noticing that we were quite
close, and Toms hand touching my bum [mmm] she asked she had had

interupted anything "no no" *giggles* YES. But I hardly knew him...
eek. Anyways, after making me drink a test tube baby

shot. She left us two it. I looked at Tom. We lent together and his
lips touched mine. Oh those lips *dreams* So close, he was so gentle.

So soft. I couldn't hear the music, I could see the people, I could
just feel us. In that corner, leaning close together, kissing.


Tom has his tounge pierced. YUM.


We kissed so much, but it was such a different type of kiss. I never

kissed Dale, Ashley, Rob, Matt the ex's like that.
This was so different. So Different.


We kissed over and over again. After some time, Justine called me,

worried where I was as she suddenly realised I wasn't there anymore
hehe. I dragged Tom with me and we found her. I said that I was with

Tom *smiling madly as I do this* "oh... right.. yay" hehe. Justine I
think was speachless for once.


I needed the toilet, - have you ever been to toilet in a gay

club?! It's an interesting experience. I got talking to a guy
called Jamie? I think. He was also from the conference, cute voice.

*Remembers Tom who I had left outside* - everyone was queuing for the
cubicle, the ONE cubicle so I had to wait... and wait, and wait

Tom came in after 10 minutes because he was worried that I was taking
so long, I assured him I was fine just waiting for the toilet [during

which time I had moved a grand total of 1 meter] hehe.


Out the toilet, and why I am telling you this I had no idea. I wanted
to dance some more, so me and Tom went off and danced by ourselves in

one corner. We kissed, We Danced. We were together.


After some time Tom asked if I wanted to leave, so I said yesh, said
my goodbye's and we started the long walk back. I remembered the way

back to the Conference place [a good half an hours walk ina tipsy
state - I remembered!] - Tom knew the way back from the

Conference place to the accomindation. What a great team we made.


We held hands, cuddled, talked the WHOLE way. Two guys,
kissing, holding hands at 12:00-1ish in the morning through the

streets of a city. Kind of daring, but I didn't notice the people. Not
one of them, I just noticed Tom. I felt him.


We stopped off at a take away place, and I got a cheeseburger and Tom

got some chips. We talked the whole way. It was as if we had the whole
night to ourselfs, and we just walked it and talked it. So long mr

Bobakey dating the city. I was dating Tom on that night.


We reached the Accomindation, and Tom invited me back to his room..
Hmm. I've known this guy for not so very long, but I felt like I had

known him for so long. I trusted him. I knew nothing was going to
happen, we had already discussed it [which is the funny thing] -

Justine asked on the way up there that "if you clicked with someone,
and they asked you back to their room, or your room, would you do

IT" - I said no. I asked Tom in the Union earlier, and he said
no as well... hehe now look at us!


I slept with him that night. Thats blunt I know. We kissed so much, we

shared the bed, we shared each other. Some things happened in a horny
way, but it was all good. Blow, suck suck. *giggles* But nothing else.

We just enjoyed each other's company.


I had to do the walk of shame in the morning, walking back to
my own room. Seen as Tom was in Justine's block. hehe. We arranged to

meet for breakfast. I called Justine as soon as I got back to my room,
and we giggled down the phone. I showered, dressed, and realied I left

my straightners at Justine so I went around there to retrieve them. I
waited for her to come to breakfast. Damn. We were late. I was going

to miss Tom. nooooo.


He was just leaving as we arrive, but he pinched my bum and told me he
would see me at the Conference.


And the rest is history I suppose.


Over the next 2 days, me and Tom shared every little thing, even down

to clothes hehe. WE kissed, WE hugged, WE made sweet love through our
eyes. [in a non sexual way] hehe. It was perfect. He is perfect.


Let me try and explain..


I have never clicked with someone so well before. I have never felt

what I'm feeling towards anyone before. Yesh with Dale there was alot
of love, but it was friendship love. This is different. We are so

strong, we clicked so well. It was like a jig saw puzzle, with only
two pieces, and together we slotted and we made the complete picture.

It was like the man of my dreams. He was the perfect Gentlemen. I find
it very hard to even try and put into words what I was feeling.

What I'm still feeling.


With Tom, its so different, he cares about me more than anyone
has EVER cared about me. And I mean this. It was as if we had

been together for 10 years and more, but everything was so new to us,
everything was just perfect. It really was/is. He felt it too. There

was something that had put us together. I felt safe, secure,
alive with him. It was as if... I don't know. I just don't

know.


As you can see, or tell. This is different. We both know that. We both
can feel it. WE like each other so much that we aren't sure who

we are anymore. The boundries have been broken... and I loved
every minute of it.


During those 2 days we became a complete couple. Everyone saw it. We

were besotted with each other. He brought me things, I kissed him. He
ran for the Open place on the committee - but didn't get it. but he

said that it didn't matter because I was there with him. Its crazy.
I'm crazy. We are crazy!


So yesh... erm. Where was I? I've lost all track. I did try to

keep the whole "the way I'm feeling" until the end of this entry, but
it kind of just came out there hehe.


Tom is 22, nearly 23 [so that was going to go down well with the

parents] he lives in Exeter. For those who don't know me, or where I
live. He lives a total of 157 miles away from me. *sighs* So

those were the two downfalls of the whole us together thing. We made
plans on the Sunday, after waking up together and showering together

and hehe erm... yesh.


The plan was: We were going to try, at all costs to keep what we had
alive. I was going to tell my parents, as soon as I get home,

or near abouts. He was going to come and visit me and meet the
parents, so that they know who he is and understand how loved

up we are. He would stay, I would stay around his... and we would make
an attempt at this.


Long Distances. They can work. And I need my space, and so does

Tom. We live totally different lives, thats true. He works. I study.
But when you have that feeling that is so strong, nothing else matters

- surely? NOTHING ELSE MATTERS.


Love is a matter of Distance. You are too far away. [Will Young]


Tom left for Exeter on the Sunday night. 9pm sharp. Richard, Justine,
Chloe, Some guy, Tom and me, all got a taxi to the bus station.

Richard and Justine waited upstairs for me. I walked with Tom, I
couldn't believe that it was. I didn't want to cry. I shouldn't

cry. And I held it in. We said our goodbye's. It was very hard.
Even thinking about it now makes me all iffy. He wanted me to walk

away from the bus and not see it leave, that way I wouldn't get upset.
I walked back, and my eyes filled up with teas.


I climed the steps and met Justine and Richard, all I did was cry and

cry. They held me, and I just CRIED. I've never done that with
ANYONE. Thats a sign surely? We walked along the streets of Edinburgh,

it was so quiet. So lonley. Tom was on that coach. We saught out
comfort food. Ice cream. And Lots of it. I cried silly. But I stopped.

I laughed, laughed more than I have done in a long time. It
felt good.


We walked the long way back, just talking. It was as if a new chapter

had just opened and I was so prepared for it. Hmmm I can't even
describe it. I felt that Tom had left my life - but just for a while.

Because I knew how I felt, and I knew that we were going to
meet again. And that made me happy. And I was going to cope with this.

I know I could.


We flew back on the Monday. And it is now Sunday.


On the tuesday during the day, I explained everything to Kay [sister].
She is totally behind me. I also think on the Tuesday me and Kate

talked at lengths about it. Kate is totally behind me. Supporting me.


On the Wednesday I sat on the backdoor step with Mother and said I
needed to tell her something. I explained everything. I was

honest beyond honest. She took it well. Was shocked at
Tom's age. Sad because of the distance, but she accepted it. She

turned to me and said that if I felt so strongly, and she could
tell... that she was behind me. She was ok with it. She will him and

go from there. *yesh*


On the thursday I had planned to tell my father, but he went out and
had too much to drink to be able to talk about series matters. Mother

promised that she would tell him over the weekend when they go away
with the dog to Cornwall to visit Grandma. Mum hasn't told me yet if

dad has taken it well... they get back tomorrow. Tomorrow I suppose is
the T day. [Tom Day].. I think dad will be supportive.


I made it clear that Tom wants to come up and see them as SOON as they

can - just so that he can just show himself to my mum and dad - WHO he
is and what a wonderful person he is. [And he IS!]


So there we have it.


Me and Tom are a couple, even if it is by long distance. We talk

online all the time. We call each other for a couple of hours each day
[eeek] we text each other. It's just perfect.


Hmm..


Right totally un-tom related:


Yesterday I saw Kate. Was finally good to see her and just *sighs* be

what best friends be. Hang out and just chat and 'things' Kate wanted
me to go out that evening but I really didn't feel like it, hehe they

started drinking at the station and got told off my the almighty 'God'
of the train station "New Laws are in place with the council and the

train station, that NO alcoholic drinks are allowed on the station
platform. We are now an alcohol free zone. ANYONE found drinking on

the platform will have all bottles removed" hehe --- that scared us a
little.


And here I am now. Out of breathe, my fingers hurt. And if you read

all of this, then PLEASE comment, ust to show me that someone
actually cared.


This has to be the longest post I've ever made. Wow.


Luvs you Kate, Tom, family, friends.



xXx